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A principal’s speech you’d like to hear given

OK, folks, let’s put aside the outrageous political scene and the depressing daily news about shootings, knifings and suicide bombings that have become so ubiquitous we don’t even raise eyebrows about them anymore – and concentrate for the moment on the better side of life.

To begin: With schools soon opening for their fall sessions, here’s a suggested speech from the principal that I’m sure, recalling your school days, you’d like to hear given:

“There is no greater calling than to teach young people. I would like to let you know of some important changes I’ve planned for this new school year.

“First, we shall no longer honor race or ethnicity. The only identity I care about, the only one this school will recognize, is your individual identity – your character, your scholarship, your humanity. And the only national identity this school will care about is American. This is an American public school, dedicated to make better Americans. If you wish to affirm an ethnic, racial or religious identity through school, you will have to go elsewhere. I will not authorize clubs that divide students entirely based on any identities. This includes race, language, religion, sexual orientation or whatever else may become popular in a society divided by political correctness.

“Second, my only interest in terms of language is that you leave this school speaking and writing English as fluently as possible. It’s a language that has united our citizens for over 200 years, and it will unite us at this school. It is one of the indispensable reasons this country of immigrants has always come to be one country. We will learn other languages here, but if you want classes taught in your native tongue rather than in English, this is not your school.

“Third, because I regard learning as a sacred endeavor, everything in this school will reflect learning’s elevated status. This also means, among other things, that you and your teachers will dress accordingly. Many people in our society dress more for the gutter than for church or school; they have their priorities backward. Therefore, there will be a relaxed but more acceptable dress code at this school.

“Fourth, no obscene language will be tolerated anywhere on this school’s property – not in class, in the hallways or at athletic events. If you can’t speak without using the f-word, you can’t speak. Same with words like ‘nigger’ or ‘bitch.’ It is my intent that by the time you leave this school, you will be among the few your age to instinctively distinguish between the elevated and the degraded, the appropriate and the obscene.

“Fifth, we will end all self-esteem programs. Self-esteem will be attained in only one way the way people attained it until it was decided otherwise about a generation ago – by earning it. One immediate consequence is that there will be one valedictorian, not seven or eight and we will abandon such uncalled for events as kindergarden graduations.

“Sixth and last, I am reorienting the school toward academics and as far away from politics and propaganda as possible. No more time will be devoted to scaring you about smoking and caffeine, or terrifying you about sexual harassment. No more semesters will be devoted to condom wearing and teaching you to regard sexual relations as only a health issue. There will be no more attempts to convince you that you are a victim because you are not white, or not male, or not heterosexual, or not Christian. These should be settled in the home, where tough love must replace the fatuous ‘self esteem.’ We will have failed if you graduate and do not consider yourself inordinately fortunate to be alive and to be a learned American.

“Now, please stand and join me in the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag of our country. As many of you do not know the words, your teachers will hand them out to you.”

And second: Here’s a feel-good email posting to be shared from a friend:

“I grew up with practical parents. A mother who washed aluminum foil or plastic bags after she used and then reused them.

“And a father with one suit (married in and planned to be buried in) and who was happier getting old shoes repaired than buying new ones.

“Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away.

“It was the time for fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress – things meant to be kept. It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there’d always be more.

“But then my mother died, and on that night, in the whiteness of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t any more.

“Sometimes, what we care about most gets used up, unfixable. So while we have it, it’s best we love it and care for it and fix it when it’s broken and heal it when it’s sick.

“This is true as well for marriage and old cars and children with bad report cards and dogs with bad hips and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, and because we are worth it. There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special. And so, we keep them close!”

The posting concluded: “My friends, I received this from someone who thinks I am a ‘keeper,’ so I’ve sent it to the people I think of in the same way. Now it’s your turn to send this to those people that are ‘keepers’ in your life. Good friends are like stars: You don’t always see them, but you know they are always there. Keep them close!”

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