In the foreground, KRD pivot Johnny Crash received the star from jammer Luna Stormborn (center background) and races off to try and score points during a match Saturday at the Calumet Colosseum. KRD blockers Jeffrey Dahminator and Wheelsley CrushHer work together to slow the progress of the Traverse City Toxic Cherries’ jammer. (Kent Kraft/For the Gazette)

CALUMET — Keweenaw Roller Derby (KRD) knew they had a tough opponent in the Traverse City Toxic Cherries Roller Derby (TCRD) squad, but few expected the hard hitting, penalty filled fracas that ensued. When the final whistle ended the game, TCRD was victorious, 221-85, Saturday at the Calumet Colosseum.

Traverse City scored early and often with leads increasing from 4-0 in the first jam to 8-0 after the second and doubling to 16-0 after the third jam.

KRD caught a break after that though with Johnny Crash on a power jam (meaning the opposing team’s jammer is in the penalty box). They were able to take advantage and bring KRD back into the match with seven points, bringing the score to 16-7.

K-otic was the next jammer up for TCRD and they took advantage of a power jam, a penalty on a KRD blocker and another KRD blocker down with an injury, to score 24 unanswered points. Suddenly the score had ballooned to 40-7 in favor of TCRD.

A strong 12-0 power jam from KRD’s Amelia HitsHart finished out the first half. While KRD had improved on their score, TCRD made even larger gains overall, taking a commanding 121-35 score into the break.

Anyone wondering if TCRD would play more defensively and take it easy in the second half were quickly shown no such plans existed. After the first nine minutes of play in the second half, they had extended their lead to 161-35.

KRD’s jammers were getting stifled off the line while the TCRD jammers eventually found ways through. Despite the score onslaught, nothing was easily gained for either team in this match.

The hits were hard and frequent from both sides. Players were frequently in the penalty box. At times, the track looked like a bowling alley with human pins as players were continually crashing to the ground.

Finally finding some momentum, KRD managed to get more points on the board with ten minutes to go, the score now sitting at 189-56. Two minutes later, TCRD had crossed the two hundred mark, the score increasing to 202-58.

Both teams seemed to ignore the score board and skated each jam just as hard as the previous one, no matter what the score or how much time was left. Battling out a 12-8 jam in favor of KRD, the final whistle blew.

Instead of exhausted, sagging shoulders on either squad, all the players burst into smiles, congratulated one another, and got in line for the traditional high-fives.

Johnny Crash took home MVP jammer honors for KRD and Dairy Queen, in just her second bout with the team, was named KRD’s MVP blocker. On the other side, TCRD jammer Vypertension and blocker Jellybish received MVP honors.

After the bout, KRD team captain Suomi Slammer said, “It was a really tough game. They were really able to stop our jammers… but it was a lot of fun! A little grueling, maybe a little too hot, but I think we did our best.”

Knowing the strengths of TCRD, Suomi Slammer said KRD did come in with a plan.

“We knew we had to stop their jammers, even if that meant keeping our jammer back as an extra blocker,” she said, “just to stop the bleed of points.

“KRD used to be an ‘everyone jams’ type of team, and seeing the team do that again and so many new faces give it a shot, I think they all did great. They really powered through that really tough set of blockers.”

Familiar jammers Kim Kong, Random NPC, and Starbuck were all unable to compete on Saturday, so several other KRD members stepped up to try jamming alongside Suomi Slammer and Johnny Crash.

Quick to point out this was no excuse for the loss, Suomi Slammer also stated that scores can be misleading.

“This seems like a large difference, but it is easy to have high scoring jams and have large swings either way,” she said. “We never felt completely out of the match.”

Dairy Queen was ecstatic after the game, all but shouting, “It was so much fun! I thought I was going to foul out in the first half… but I didn’t! I got my second wind after knowing I only had three fouls so far.”

When asked if she was expecting to hear her name called for the MVP award, she laughed.

“No, are you joking? They said my name and I was like, ‘Me?!?’ I couldn’t believe it,” she said. “That increased my confidence so much. There is so much going on in derby, I never know how I’m doing. But when they said that [I’m the MVP], I knew I was doing something right.”

Dairy Queen was also not worried about the score suggesting anything negative about the KRD squad.

“We’re good!” she scoffed. “I think it doesn’t really matter who is winning or who isn’t. I’ve played sports my whole life and sometimes I get really [angry] if I’m not winning. But, in this game, it just doesn’t matter. You still keep jamming, you still keep scoring points, you still keep blocking their jammer. The game keeps going on and you don’t really look at the points and who is winning. You still have the most fun.”

Up next

KRD will host their invitational bout, Smackdown on the Farm, on Saturday, Aug. 2, at the Calumet Colosseum. So many people signed up to participate, they’re actually putting on a doubleheader. Tickets are still the same price: $8 online before 10 p.m. on Friday, Aug. 1, or $10 at the window on bout day. New times for the doubleheader: doors open at 4 p.m., with the first whistle at 5 p.m.