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Dear Annie: What to do when your lover is a liar

Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I have been in a relationship for almost nine years now. We met when I was 18 and he was 24. He was my first serious boyfriend and my only real boyfriend ever as an adult. I immediately moved in with him after starting college, which was about five months into our relationship.

During these nine years, there have been multiple incidents of infidelity — from both of us. These past two years seem to be especially terrible in regards to cheating and lying to each other. During a break in the spring of 2021, my boyfriend told me he was potentially expecting a baby with an ex he had slept with. We had been trying to have a baby for years, so you can imagine how surprised I was to hear this news.

The baby was born in September 2021, and he eventually told me it was not his child. I’m not sure how he knows this because he has never been anywhere near a DNA test. Anyway, he swore he wouldn’t talk to her again and that they were not in contact anymore.

About three months ago, I woke up from a nap, and he was standing at the end of the bed. He informed me that the ex was pregnant again and once again he might be the father. I rolled out of bed, put my shoes on and went to my mom’s without saying one word to him.

Yesterday, when I was sleeping, he sent me a text message to inform me that he had lost his uncle due to a long-term illness and that his ex suffered a miscarriage. He says he is extremely saddened by this. I have noticed an extreme change in his behavior since he received the news about the baby.

I honestly do not feel any empathy for his situation, but I still want to be supportive of his feelings, considering his uncle’s passing. Now I’m debating if we should even be in a relationship anymore, considering his attachment to this ex. I am only 26 and have been thinking about reentering the dating world following the past two years. What should I do? — Losing in Love

Dear Losing in Love: I am sorry for your ex-boyfriend’s uncle’s passing and the miscarriage. Both are really sad. And while it is understandable to want to be supportive of his feelings, the best way you can do that is by wishing him well and sending him warm, loving thoughts. And that is as far as it should go.

You are young and have your entire life ahead of you. Don’t waste your love on someone who has cheated on and lied to you — not just once, but multiple times. You deserve better. Good luck in the dating world, and I hope you find a partner who is honest, faithful, kind and communicative with you. They’re out there.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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