I have attended many funerals, being a Hospice Chaplain. I have observed that funerals, full coffin, Church services, and viewing at the funeral home have become fewer and fewer. This is understandable when you look at the current cost of burial. Cremation has become more and more acceptable to the general public. Now I want to make clear that I am not judging individuals. This little essay is a criticism of the culture we are becoming. Culture always signals the health of society.

Every culture has a ceremony of what we call rituals for the community. Rituals are important. There are welcoming rituals of a new person, into the group, such as Baptism or a naming ceremony, which; recognizes a new member. There is a marriage ritual; to make the community aware of a new family unit for the legal protection of new children of that union. There is a funeral; or death ceremony when a person dies, leaving the group.

Every culture has rituals. Ritual is a ceremony that ties the individual to the past and forwards to the future. It centers the person on a rich ceremony and tradition in the flow of time.

We are part of something older and more significant than our limited selves. At a funeral, we are part of a family, a group witnessing one of our family members passing. Friends and others are welcomed into the family at the funeral. Friends help support those who grieve. In many ways, a funeral provides closure for the family.

Funerals can be expensive; many have chosen cremation when the family has financial concerns. However, this does not mean burial and cremation lessen the potential to celebrate the deceased’s life. Many families opt for a celebration of life, as opposed to the funeral home viewing. All these details are up to the family.

However, I see that in many cases, families do not have any memorial service for the person who has passed. Indeed, I heard of families putting cremains on shelves in a bathroom closet. Every person has a life. Every person is part of the community. Regardless of your financial condition, each soul should be remembered, and life celebrated. We need the ritual not for the deceased but for the family and the younger family members. Death is part of life; it should not be something we avoid. The dignity of the human person must be preserved. Funerals or memorial services are not so much about the dead but the living, respecting the person’s dignity and the loss of his/her family.

Currently, the only ritual common in our society is that of marriage. Weddings are a big party, and often an expensive party, but it is one place where we gather as a culture to witness the joyous union of two. Amazingly, most participants and guests dress up; I have not seen the best man or the maid of honor in blue jeans and plaid shirts. Whether it is out of respect or just the celebration of the special event, they are always in suits and gowns, looking very handsome and beautiful.

Rituals become part of the human family; we are connected on our journey. Funerals, unfortunately, do not have the same expectation of respect where dress is concerned. Many come in blue jeans and tee shirts. However, I do not think many know how to dress for a funeral since there are so few formal funerals. Respect and memory are a duty of the living. Death is A reminder of our mortality. Dying and death in our society is something to be avoided.

Ritual is the visual/communal glue that holds a society together. It allows the past to have protocols for those significant events of our lives. It allows us to develop a pattern of behavior and etiquette that our community shares. As a result, we become part of collective history, allowing us confidence in the future.

We, through these rituals, become affirmed in the society we share with others.

As we move forward, rituals have become less and less important, allowing multiple interpretations of important passages in our lives. The dismal of life passages can be decisive and risky to younger members altogether. The impact on the individual under these circumstances can disconnect a person from shared communal goals. The community is struggling with many social issues in our times. Could a revival of rituals marking the critical events in our lives help regain our individual worth in society? Could it give the community back an awareness of our common humanity?

Kathleen Carlton Johnson, Ph.D., hospice chaplain, may be reached at faithtoday2023@gmail.com.