Dear Annie: My sister “Michelle” and I used to be close, but things changed after she had her second child. She rarely returns my calls and only texts if I reach out first. When we do talk, it’s always short, and she seems distracted or annoyed. I’ve offered to help with the kids or bring meals by, but she always says she’s “got it handled.”

Last month was my birthday. Michelle didn’t call or text, even though I saw her post online that day. I waited a few days before checking in. A few days later she reached out and apologized, saying she “meant to get around to it” but was swamped. I understand parenting is demanding, but I feel like I’m annoying her every time I reach out. I’ve asked if I did something wrong, and she insists everything is fine.

I don’t want to make it about me, but I also don’t want to keep chasing a relationship that feels one-sided. Should I confront her again or just accept that our relationship has changed for the worse? — Left Out Sister

Dear Left Out Sister: You probably shouldn’t expect her to be a very present friend at the moment, and that’s not because you did something wrong. It’s because she’s overwhelmed. Keep the door open, but stop knocking so hard. Focus on other relationships right now. She will come to you when she’s ready.

Dear Annie: My dad remarried three years ago, and I’ve tried to get along with his wife, “Carla,” but it’s been rocky from the start. She’s polite but cold. At family gatherings, she’ll speak to everyone except me, unless I speak first. She never remembers things I’ve told her — my job, my boyfriend’s name — and she has managed to leave me out of multiple group texts or plans unless my dad adds me in.

I’ve brought it up to my dad, but he says I’m reading too much into things and that “Carla’s just not a warm person.” Maybe that’s true, but I feel like she barely tolerates me. It’s exhausting to keep pretending we’re all fine when I feel like an outsider in my own family.

I’m not looking for a close bond with her. I just want basic respect and for my dad to be happy. Is that asking too much? Should I bring it up with her directly, or leave it alone? — On the Outside

Dear On the Outside: Since your dad hasn’t been much help, go straight to the source. Tell Carla you care about having a good relationship and you’re not getting the sense she feels the same — honest, not accusatory.

If she seems surprised, she may truly not realize how she’s coming off. If she shrugs it off, it’s fair to step back and limit your time with her.

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