Dear Annie: I’m 29, living in New York City, with a job I love and a great group of friends — none of whom are single. Half are married or engaged, the other half coupled up in serious relationships. I’m generally OK being single, but going out as the perpetual third wheel is wearing on me. I’ve thought about making new friends; I’ve even thought about moving cities. I’ve also caught myself secretly hoping my coupled friends break up, which I know is terrible. How do I find my people? — Odd One Out

Dear Odd One Out: The odd seat out can feel isolating. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

But here’s the thing: New York City is full of single 29-year-olds, 39-year-olds and 49-year-olds — and most of them aren’t finding each other at couples’ dinners. They’re at pottery classes, running clubs, book groups, trivia nights and volunteer shifts. The city practically runs on solo people looking for their people.

You don’t need to move. You need a second social circle, built around some activities you actually enjoy.

Dear Annie: My husband and I’ve been together for 15 years and married for 10. He’s the oldest of eight siblings.

I consider myself a relatively vanilla person who gets along well with everyone. But one of his sisters, the third-oldest sibling, has always been cold toward me and, at times, outright rude. She’s known to be difficult, yet everyone seems to coddle her, and nobody calls attention to her problematic behaviors. The other siblings, including the other sisters, all seem to like me. But it feels like because this one sister doesn’t, the others are hesitant to openly include me. They’ll compliment one another, share inside jokes and make each other feel seen, but I feel like an outsider unable to break into the circle.

I understand that my husband chose me; his siblings didn’t. I know I can’t force better relationships, and I’ve come to terms with the fact that these may simply not be “my people.” Still, we spend a lot of time with them, so I’m trying to overcome the grief of not having a closer relationship with my in-laws, particularly the other sisters. I can’t help but feel it’d be possible but for the one sister.

Is it normal for large families to feel exclusionary? How do I fill my cup during get-togethers with his family, or should I simply show up and not fill up? — Left Out In-Law

Dear Left Out In-Law: Eight siblings is a lot of family history to break into, so it’s completely understandable that you’d sometimes feel like an outsider.

But you’ve spent 15 years focused on the one sister who doesn’t like you instead of the seven other siblings who do. Don’t give her that much power.

Don’t expect these gatherings to fill your cup. Let your chosen family and friends do that. Show up because they’re your husband’s family and enjoy the connections that are there, but stop measuring them against the ones you wish existed. You may find things feel a lot lighter once you stop seeking approval from the one person least likely to give it.

And don’t be afraid to let your husband in on how you’re feeling. He can’t completely change his family’s dynamics, but he can help you navigate them.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM