Jennifer Donovan/For the DMG The Keweenaw is home to several support groups for those enduring stages of grief. A workshop last Saturday looked at strategies and working groups in the area to assist those in need.

Everyone experiences loss and grief. Death of a parent, a spouse, a sibling, a child. Loss of a job. Divorce. Retirement.

How we handle it is what matters.

There are numerous grief support groups helping people in the Keweenaw who are going through grief. Last Saturday, a community grief awareness program in Houghton explored grief and how to deal with it.

The workshop was sponsored by a coalition of community health and social services agencies, including Omega House, a hospice and respite care center that also runs a monthly grief support group. Nearly two dozen community residents and professionals who work with people in grief met for four hours at Saints Peter and Paul Lutheran Church in Houghton.

“Our culture goes to great lengths not to think about or talk about dying, death and grief,” said Mark Miron , who gave the keynote address. “This affects how we deal with grief.”

Miron is an associate professor in Michigan Tech’s new Bachelor of Science in Nursing program. He has been a nursing educator for 15 years, specializing in psychiatric/mental health nursing. He believes it’s vital for nurses to understand grief and know how to help people facing grief.

Death Changes Our Plans

The problem is that we are planners, Miron said. “We plan our lives, we plan our relationships, we plan our children’s lives. Then our plans are disrupted by death, and we have to make new plans. That is the nature of life, and that is the struggle of grief.”

We can’t avoid grief; everyone will experience it, Miron pointed out. And there’s no such thing as “grieving right,” he said. “Grief is a journey, not an event. Everyone’s journey through grief is unique.”

“Grief changes your whole perspective on life,” Miron went on to say. “So grief is an opportunity. Grief encourages us to look at what we are doing with our lives, what we are doing with today.

“We don’t get over these losses. We find new ways to live,” he said.

It’s also difficult for friends and relatives of people who are grieving to know what to say or do. “We want to fix their grief,” Miron said. “We want to say the right words. There are no right words. It’s not our role to fix things. One of the most powerful things we can do is just be with someone.”

Another speaker, Cynthia Drake, expanded on Morin’s remarks. “Our western culture is linear in its thinking; we want to tidy things up,” she said. Drake is the grief support educator at Omega House. She runs a grief support group there from 5-6 p.m. on the third Thursday of every month.

“We do not have to fix anything,” Drake said. “We have to normalize the absolutely abnormal.” When trying to help a grieving person, “We need to witness, to honor another’s grief and resist the temptation to tell the person to get on with life. We need to be the gentle space-holders, giving people a safe space to grieve.”

Stages of Grief

Both Miron and Drake referred to psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s well-known stages of dying and of grief–denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, . “The reality is that it’s not that clear-cut,” Miron said. Not all people go through those stages in sequence, and some only go through some of them, he explained.

People can move around in the stages, said Drake. They can find themselves back in an earlier stage, dealing with it again. “The grief journey is not linear. It is more like a labyrinth,” she said. “It’s part of the messy circle of life.”

Other speakers included social workers Kim Green and Julie Beck. “There is nothing wrong with you when you experience the emotional, physical or spiritual symptoms of grief,” Green said. What is helpful is letting your grief out, crying alone or with someone else, exercise, good nutrition, sleep, she went on to say. What is not helpful is suppression, avoidance and isolating yourself.

Beck talked about adapting to loss. “Humans are amazing; they are capable of adapting,” she said. “Grief changes us all, and every person grieves differently.” Grief gives us the opportunity to reflect, to do new things, to open to new possibilities, she added.

“Adaptation is a process,” she went on to say. “However you adapt is OK, as long as you keep adapting.”

Grief in Motion

Before small breakout groups on loss of a child, loss of a spouse, loss of a parent, loss to suicide, prenatal loss and mindfulness in grief, Roberta Rosenberger, a certified grief movement guide, led the group in gentle, seated movements focusing on connection, grace and love. The movements are designed to help people in grief use motion to find peace and acceptance of their loss, an ongoing relationship with their loved one and their own self-worth.

Dr. Sigurds Janners, a Hancock internist, was a founder of Omega House and has served on its board since its creation. “We can’t fix grief,” he said. “We have to find our way through it. It’s very important to share what you are feeling, to be open and not hide your emotions.”

Dr. Janners calls his work with Omega House and grief support “the love of my life.”

There are a number of local support groups and online resources for people struggling with grief. Here are some of them:

• Third Thursday Community Grief Support Group, 5-6 p.m. the third Thursday of each month at Omega House. For more information, call or text Cynthia Drake, Omega House grief support educator, at 906-376686 or email cynthia.drake@omega-house.org.

• Grieving Parents (for parents and grandparents), 11 a.m.-1 p.m. the first Saturday of each month at St. Ignatius Catholic Church, 305 Portage Street, Houghton. Contact Brian Haduski at 906-231-1832 or Tammy Haduski at 906-231-7071.

• Grieving Widows, second Saturday of each month,11-11:30 a.m. for mass, 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. for lunch and grief support at Sacred Heart Church, 56512 Rockland Street, Calumet. Contact the church office at 906-337-0810.

• Suicide Bereavement Support Group, 5:30-7 p.m. the first Tuesday of every month at Lakeside Covenant Church, 111 Pennock Avenue, Baraga. Call Ann Marie at 906-353-4506 or email annmarie.amsler@kbic-nsn.gov.

• GriefShare, a free, nondenominational weekly program including videos and group discussion at Bethany Baptist Church, 48544 Main Street, Dollar Bay. For more information or to register, email the church office at bethany@bbcinchrist.org.

• What’s Your Grief has helpful online resources including brochures on coping with grief, coping after the death of your spouse, coping after the death of your sibling, coping after the death of your child and coping after the death of your parent. Go to whatsyourgrief.com.

• Grief in Motion, using the power of movement, breath and sound to release their pain. Contact Roberta Rosenberger at 906-281-7219.

• Community Coalition on Grief and Bereavement, providing education, support and referrals. For more information on grief resources, call 906-482-4357 (formerly Dial Help).