We are approaching a new season, Fall–the glories of the changing leaves, blanketing our valleys and forests, with grandeur. But as life itself, the season passes into another, winter, and winter is coming. This transition of our current days parallels my own life. My father died at the age of one hundred. As I was one of his caregivers, I observed the change from a difficult aging life to his death. One of the interesting observations I experienced was that I never really knew my father without my mother. I got to know him as a person, on his own. He was a person of duty; his whole working life, he had spent in the military, and duty was foremost for him. I recall from my childhood seeing him polishing his black shoes for inspections. I can still see him as he went aboard the ship, his crisp salute and asking permission to come aboard. In later years, he was generous and had a love for history. He had many friends of all ages. He was very sociable.

My parents were married for 73 years. My mother died some 9 years ago. What I observed in the last several years of my father’s life was that their marriage was very alive and well. He talked to my mother every day, and she was present with him, not as a ghost but as an actual presence. My parents had fulfilled the biblical edict, “and the two shall become one.” They were still deeply connected, still communicating, and still very much in love with each other.

In our current times, marriage has become more of a contract, where two individuals enter into negotiations for a mutually beneficial partnership. According to statistics, there is a 40-50% chance of divorce in first marriages. There are many and complex reasons for the numbers, but the emphasis of modern marriage is that each should be equally happy with their lives in a married union. This concept does not align with the gospel version, “and the two shall become one.” The gospel version is a realistic road to life. Marriage is a spiritual union. (Matthew 19:5) is a verse where Jesus quotes (Genesis 2:24), “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is what I observed in my father years after my mother had passed. My mother and father had become one flesh.

What does this mean, and better yet, how does this take place in a marriage at all? I can see several outstanding factors–first, a commitment to the vow made before God. To believe in the sanctity of that vow and the serious nature of that promise. Marriage is a yoke the two people take on willingly. It is a spiritual journey that the couple vows to keep till death, and in my parents’ case, beyond the death of the other partner. How does this happen? By love first of all, the true nature of love is sacrifice. Second, communication is essential, and it doesn’t have to be actual words; perhaps it’s an event, a gift, or a kind word that shows appreciation, concern, and support. One way or another, communication binds the two in a unique way to each other. Equally important is Forgiveness, an essential quality necessary when dealing with two different human beings in marriage who are trying

to navigate everyday life together. They come from other families, different geography, different belief systems, yet you must live in close quarters and respect your spouse. This is often easier said than done. Forgiveness is a vital component of a healthy marriage.

Marriage in Jesus’ eyes was meant to be a total life given to the other, and it is love’s special quality of sacrifice that makes a marriage work. My mother used to say, “Marriage is not 50-50, it’s 100-100”. Often, the sacrifices are real and may take time to be recognized or seen, but every year of marriage is full of them. If you can’t forgive, can’t see the suffering of your spouse, can’t forget irritations and infractions, marriage will not work.

The great gift of marriage, aside from your children that you may have been given, will be the companionship of later years, the total understanding of your spouse, and the support of your best friend. You are never alone; you have another to pray with, cook for, talk with, to sit and watch a sunset with. The passing of a spouse is a great sadness, but as my own parents taught me, even in death, your spouse is still with you.

God has a plan for each of us. Marriage is one of the gifts he gives to help us navigate life and to rejoice in our humanity, to create a family for us that grows and abides. No, it is not an easy path, but it is a valid path for those who commit to it, which ultimately leads us to our Savior and home in heaven. How blessed I was to have had two beautiful parents, who left me their legacy of a holy marriage.

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12,)