Dear Annie: I have a teenager who is bright, funny and, in many ways, a good kid. They do well in school, have friends and can be thoughtful when it counts. But when it comes to life at home, it is as if none of it registers.

I feel like I am constantly scanning the house, noticing what needs to be done — the overflowing trash, the empty milk carton back in the fridge, the laundry piling up, the dog waiting to be fed. Meanwhile, my teen moves through the same space without seeming to see any of it. If I ask, they will usually help, though not without a sigh or a reminder or two. But if I say nothing, nothing happens.

What wears me down is not just the chores themselves. It is the feeling that I am the only one paying attention. I do not want to spend every evening pointing things out or assigning tasks like I am running a one-person operation. I want them to start noticing, to take some initiative, to understand that a household does not run on autopilot.

When I bring it up, I get responses like, “Just tell me what you want me to do,” or “I didn’t see it.” I try to explain that I don’t want to be the constant reminder, but the message never seems to stick. Then I end up feeling like the nagging parent I swore I would not become.

I know teenagers can be self-absorbed, and I try to remind myself of that. Still, I worry that if I do not get through now, I am sending them into adulthood without a basic sense of shared responsibility.

How do I teach awareness, not just obedience? — Tired of Being the Only One Who Notices

Dear Tired: It is exhausting to be the one who remembers, plans, notices and prevents the wheels from coming off, all while trying not to sound resentful.

Your teen may be willing to help, but willingness is not the same as awareness. “Just tell me what to do” still leaves you holding the clipboard.

Pick a calm moment and talk about the pattern, not the latest forgotten errand. Be specific. Tell your teen that this is not about getting occasional help; it is about becoming a contributing member of the household. Then give your teen a few areas to fully own from start to finish, whether that is managing their laundry or keeping a shared space in order.

Teach your teen that contributing to the household means noticing the weight and lifting it together.

Resentment grows in silence. Speak now, kindly but clearly.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM