Dear Annie: My sister moved in with our parents in the family home. After my mother sadly passed away, my father and sister continued living there together. Over time, my sister seemed to take over the running of the household. She even had the telephone disconnected, and there were other decisions made that left me feeling increasingly shut out.

My sister and I have never been close. Her life was often a burden on my mother, but my mother always stayed loyal to her and protected her. Later, when my father moved into a nursing home, he allowed my sister to sell the family home for her benefit, excluding me entirely.

I only found out about the sale when I saw the house listed online. When I asked my father why he had sold the home without telling me, he first seemed surprised that I knew. Then he said he had received “good financial advice.”

I have always been independent. I am now in my senior years, still working full time, and I rent my home. My sister, meanwhile, lived rent-free for years with bills paid and has relied on government support. I know my father feels an obligation to her, but it is painful to feel that I was completely left out of such an important family decision.

I am not jealous or envious. I am hurt. My sister has lied to me for years, and my father protects those lies. I have cut off regular contact with him because our conversations became ridiculous and upsetting. Still, I call the nursing home every few weeks to check on how he is doing. Because there are many estrangements in our family, I know I might not be notified if something happened to him.

Was I wrong to step back from my father after being excluded from family decisions, while still checking on his well-being from a distance? — Shut Out by My Sister and Father

Dear Shut Out: You are not wrong to feel hurt. Being left out of the sale of the family home would sting anyone, especially when the “family” part seems to have gone missing.

But do separate hurt feelings from legal rights. Your father may have had the right to sell his own home, even if he handled it with all the sensitivity of a rhinoceros in a tea shop. If you suspect your sister pressured him or benefited unfairly, consult an elder law attorney.

As for your father, keep calling the nursing home. That is not weakness; it is decency. You can step back from the drama without stepping out of your own character.

Your sister may have gotten the house, but don’t let her take your peace, too.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.