Dear Annie: I’m a 63-year-old widow with three grown children. Two of them live nearby and are wonderful children, while the third is estranged and lives several states away. It’s been six years since I’ve seen her. She’s sent very brief emails wishing me a happy birthday, etc., but nothing more.

Over the course of these six years, my other children discovered their sister has been telling her friends and acquaintances that she was severely abused growing up, specifically sexually abused by both her now-deceased father and her brother. These are vicious lies.

When she was a teenager and going through a cutting phase, we got her psychiatric help. I obtained access to her medical records of these visits, and the doctor diagnosed her as having a severe personality disorder as well as being a compulsive liar.

She apparently made up so many unbelievable stories, including being raped by celebrities and being abandoned in the woods at the age of six during a camping trip, that the doctor told her that unless she started telling the truth, he would no longer treat her. She never went back.

Her two siblings have no contact with her and consider her dead to them.

My struggle is that I’m still her mother. I still worry about her. I worry if she’s on drugs. I lose a lot of sleep and really need to, at least emotionally and for my own health, let her go. She’s 27 now and responsible for her own choices.

A big question I have for you revolves around the fact that she doesn’t know that we know about the lies she’s told her friends. Her side of things is that we are toxic and she had to extricate herself from us. But I feel I have to be prepared if she ever shows up on my doorstep wanting to come back into my life, no matter how remote a chance that may be.

I’ve gone through this many times in my head — her standing there, not having seen me in six years, wanting a hug, me wanting to hug her, but knowing the lies she’s made up about her dad, her brother and her past. I feel that if I simply embrace her, I will be betraying her brother and accepting the lies she’s told. She never pursued anything legally, just told her friends these things.

Our family wasn’t perfect, but she grew up pretty privileged. How could she have done this? Would I just forgive and invite her in? Would I tell her I know about her lies and close the door in her face? I know the likelihood of her appearing out of the blue is very low, but I must be prepared if it does happen. Any advice? — Still Grieving

Dear Still Grieving: Two things can be true at once: You can love your daughter and worry about her, while also feeling betrayed and standing firmly by your husband and son.

From what you describe, your daughter has long struggled, and you may never fully understand the choices she’s made or the stories she’s told. That’s a painful reality, but it’s not one you can fix.

If she ever does return, you don’t have to decide everything in a single moment. You can meet her with love and still be clear that rekindling any sort of relationship will take time, honesty and effort — largely from her.

For now, focus on finding some peace for yourself. A mother’s love never goes away, but remember to take care of yourself, too.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.COPYRIGHT 2026 CREATORS.COM